Let the Children Come to Me

I wrote this paper quite a while ago as a way to vent some frustration. It has been sitting on my desktop all this time because I've never really had an appropriate venue for it...until now.

The topic of "children in church" has been a personal crusade of mine for as long as I can remember (even before I had children of my own), so it's just a strong opinion piece in that vein.

On a side note, while we had our children in Europe last summer, the acceptance of children everywhere from churches to restaurants and other public places was like night and day from here. Whether they were singing, laughing, whining or being too loud, people delighted in our children and smothered them with attention. I'd be interested in exploring this cultural difference a little more.

Anyway, for what it's worth........

Let the Children Come to Me

My friend Mary was recently telling me how relieved she was that the church nursery was opening again after a long summer hiatus. Only a couple of months before, she had been at mass with her three young boys when she was on the receiving end of a rude comment made by a nearby parishioner regarding one of her boy’s talking. The boy hadn’t done anything extraordinary; only spoke in a typical 2-year old manner before his mother quickly hushed him. The incident had left Mary understandably shaken and upset and she began dreading Mass, worried about whether her children would upset anyone that day. She knew she should not let the comment of one “grumpy man” in a church of hundreds of happy worshippers get to her, but she still breathed a little bit more easily when she was able to drop her children off in the nursery.

Unfortunately, this story is not an uncommon one and there seems to be a sentiment amongst some worshippers that “children should not be here”. After all, I have had my own fair share of experiences with people telling me that church is no place for children, or having a glare flashed down the pew. I have even sat in a congregation where the priest stopped his homily to wait for a mother to quiet her child – certainly a horrifically embarrassing moment for that mother and all other compassionate mothers in attendance. Despite these experiences, I have always stuck to my guns and brought my children to mass without apology, but listening to Mary made me want to explore the reasons why I felt this way and to encourage other mothers to not give up.

As Christians, we are called to be charitable to our neighbors, including the youngest and most innocent of all. Throughout the gospels, Jesus demonstrates the charity toward children that he asks us to emulate. In Luke’s gospel, there is a scene where Jesus is preaching and people begin to bring their children to Him. The Apostles attempt to keep the children away, presumably because they do not deem the situation appropriate for children, and Jesus says “Let the children come to me and do not prevent them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Amen, I say to you, whoever does not accept the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it.” (Luke 18:16-17) This passage is relevant as members of our Christian family deem mass and sermons inappropriate places for children. As Catholics, we believe that Jesus is physically present in the Holy Eucharist and our children have a special and personal invitation to be in His presence. Are we to deny parents the right to accept that invitation by rebuking them and their children as the Apostles did? And as Jesus makes clear in the latter part of His statement, we cannot enter the Kingdom unless we become as children. Are we shining examples of this childlike innocence by shunning the very children we are called be like? The practice of Christian Charity requires the patience, compassion and humility to welcome into our worshipping community those who may have a harder time sitting still or being quiet.

Another beautiful image of Jesus’ sentiment toward children occurs in Mathew 18. When the disciples ask Him “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”, the answer couldn’t be more clear. First, he called a child over to Him rather than pointing to the child from afar. This illustrates wonderfully his intimate and personal relationship with children. Jesus again says that we need to become like children to enter into His kingdom, but even more striking in this passage is the line that follows. “And whoever receives one child such as this in my name receives me.” (Mathew 18:5) In extending our understanding, compassion and acceptance toward the children we encounter in our lives, whether in church or anywhere else, we are doing what is pleasing to our Lord. This passage conjures up the familiar image of Jesus with a child on His lap, surrounded by other children and brings a smile to my face.

Of course, just because they have received a special invitation to be present for worship, we are still required to parent our children and teach them correct and proper behavior in a House of God. Most churches have a “cry room” available for those moments when a child is having a difficult time. My husband and I choose not to sit in this room for the entire Mass because we feel its availability is often abused. Some parents seem to use the room as way to avoid teaching their children appropriate church behavior. It is not uncommon to find children running amok while their parents sit idly by, either unsure of what to do or simply not caring. Nevertheless, even these children are entitled and invited to sit at the table of the Lord with the rest of the community and as a community, we should uphold that entitlement. In our family, when we find that one of our daughters needs some time to quiet herself, one of us will retreat with them to the vestibule or the cry room and then retake our place with the congregation when she is ready to return. My children understand these patterns and practices because they have been practiced since birth. Sure, not all children are well behaved, and not all parents know how teach appropriate behavior, but the answer is not to shun them from our churches. This is never the response of Jesus in any of the gospels.

A distraction-free hour of prayer and worship every Sunday morning is not promised anywhere in the Gospels. As the mother of two daughters and one on the way, I certainly wish this promise was there, but it is not. Our churches are open to the public and we want to invite anyone and everyone to know the Lord as we do. With that open-door policy comes potential distractions. Should we ban anyone who might interrupt our prayer or our ability to hear every word of the homily – the woman with the persistent cough, the young adult with autism or Downs syndrome, the hard-of-hearing man that doesn’t realize he is not whispering when he leans toward his wife, or the person with the service dog that my children can’t resist acknowledging? I don’t know anyone who would suggest such a thing. So why then do we choose to single out the most innocent and impressionable amongst us as being too distracting? Talk about distracting, our four year old daughter sings the Gloria so loudly and exuberantly that the people five rows ahead of her have to turn around to look at her and smile. And our 20 month old daughter points to the altar and loudly declares “JESUS”. Sure, these things might break a person’s concentration, but what a wonderful thing if we were all so uncontrollably excited to be in the presence of Jesus. And while the children sitting directly in front of you will likely resemble a bowl of popping corn for the next hour, remember that Satan himself attempted to distract Jesus in the garden from doing the will of His Father. Consider these moments as an opportunity to hone your prayer and listening skills and to practice the art of Christian Charity and compassion.

As a community of believers, we pray for children at their baptism and promise to do our part in encouraging them on their path toward Christ. Are we upholding that promise by shunning them from our worship, Eucharist and most important form of prayer? So, when we find ourselves annoyed by the presence or behavior of a child, in mass or any other public setting, we should ask ourselves: “What would Jesus do?” – would He glower, reprimand and rebuke, or would He put his arms around that child, smile and welcome him while declaring “Whoever receives one child such as this in my name, receives me; and whoever receives me, receives not me but the One who sent me.” (Mark 9:37)