Virtue Beads

I stole this idea from a dear friend of mine during a passionate parenting conversation - you know the conversation. I can't take credit for the complete idea, but I made some tweaks for our family and to make it our own.

We are trying out a new system for positive reinforcement for Good, Christian behavior.

The gist is the girls can earn colored beads for quality demonstrations of virtuous behavior. After earning enough beads, they will receive a reward.

Through a couple of family meetings, together we created a list of virtues (14 in all right now, but there's always room for change). Some examples include Generosity, Peace, Courage, Prayerfulness, Obedience etc. We drew from the biblical Fruits of the Spirit and Catholic Virtues and also used the books God's Wisdom for Little Girls and A Little Girl After God's Own Heart, both by Elizabeth George (there are boy versions of these books). Then, as a family, we defined each virtue. The girls were very active in this part and we used their language as much as possible in the definitions so they understood what was expected of them. Next to the definition we included a Bible verse or two for reference on the virtue....mostly so they could see the expectations were coming from an authority beyond their parents. Each virtuous behavior was then assigned a different colored bead.

I found some small treasure chests at Michael's for $1 each. My friend uses baby food jars, but I like the symbolism of "God's Treasures". The girls enjoyed decorating their boxes. I suppose the shape of the depository is the least important part of this exercise, but we had fun with it anyway.

Now, the girls can earn the appropriate colored bead for exhibiting virtuous behavior. For example, choosing to not tattle on a sister will earn a Peace bead, or responding "yes, mom" instead of whining will earn a Respect or Self-Control bead. We have a goal of earning 20 beads in order to earn a reward.

The girls also helped to create the reward choices. The only rules were that the rewards could not cost money and they had to go along with encouraging positive values - hopefully illustrating correlation between living a virtuous life and the real rewards it brings. So, a piece of candy or going out for ice cream was not an acceptable reward for this exercise. Instead, they have choices like going for walk with their choice of mom or dad, playing their choice of a board game with the family, or taking a special trip to the library. They are very excited about their reward choices and can't wait to earn their beads.

From a parenting point of view, we expect this exercise to challenge us a bit. Micah asked during one of the family meetings if beads could be taken away. My thought was "no, not for this exercise." There are plenty of opportunities for punishment and negative consequences as it is. This is strictly a positive exercise. However, we realize these behaviors will need to be taught. So, if we witness a missed opportunity to earn a bead, we can teach them and practice the behavior that would have been more appropriate so they are better prepared for the next time a similar situation comes up. This exercise is also going to force us to look for good behavior which isn't always easy in all the chaos.

Everyone is very excited and the girls are well on their way toward more virtuous behavior. Even #3 at 20 months old is earning beads for little things like not ripping a toy from her sister's hand and screaming "MINE". Even if she doesn't quite get it now, she will eventually and her sisters certainly get it. I hope just hope it sticks and we have one more working tool in parenting tool belt.